We’ve all made new friends since becoming moms. Some we like, and some we tolerate. Here are a few actual things I’ve heard at playgroups that totally make me want to slap a b*tch.
9. “It’s like, c’mon, what kind of mom doesn’t know how to bake cookies from scratch?”
8. “I feel bad for my sister. She’s already 24 and she doesn’t have any kids. She must feel so empty.”
7. “Michael already knows the periodic table. He crawls over to oxygen every time we say it!”
6. “Yeah, he kicked the baby. But to be fair, he’s used to peaceful environments and that baby was being really loud!”
5. “He’s more advanced because we read him philosophy books while he was in the womb. He’s only 4 but he always asks, ‘Why?’”
4. “Some people should just not be allowed to be mothers. I mean, she didn’t even hand out a goody bag after the party.”
3. “My daughter is really enlightened. She keeps saying that when she has a baby, she hopes it’s green.”
2. “Everything I eat goes straight to my boobs, so my husband always buys me cookies!”
1. “We went to Africa to see snow and visit my aunt. She’s a veterinarian and she helps vampires.” (Addy, age 4)
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